There have been many things said about me and my career, some of them good, most of them not. It has been nearly 9 years since I first appeared on TV and since then I have had a rollercoaster of a life. For a young guy who started with nothing, existing only because of the hard work and sacrifice by my parents, given a chance to shine, I set out to make something of my life. I would be the first to admit that when I look back, some things certainly make me cringe, especially the shameless publicity stunts that I used to find myself involved with, Fit Club and all of the circumstances surrounding it, the fact that I was never given a voice to say what really happened, it was all a case of everyone putting the boot in and not stopping to hear my side of the story, oh well, that's all in the past now.
To some people, I may have seemed arrogant and full of my own self importance. The fact was that I was lonely and isolated, not knowing who to trust and being bombarded with attention that I had never received in my life before, a lot of people have no idea how scary it can be when you are surrounded by strangers and all you crave is a familiar face. The other factor being that I have suffered from psychological illness for a large part of my adult life, something which I have never made a secret of but that many people would not have realised, being that it didn't serve the purpose of the people writing the newspaper articles, so the reality was that I was made to suffer twice, once at their hands and once from my own. I am sorry if my actions or emotions were misunderstood, sometimes you just put up a wall to protect yourself and only end up doing more harm.
I have achieved many things in the last 9 years - I have performed in front of 80,000 people and have taken part in charity concerts at the Royal Albert Hall. I have appeared in a film and I have also sung backing vocals on a charity record. I have met some of the nicest people in the world as well as some of the worst. I've had astronomical highs and crippling, soul destroying lows. Even as I sit here typing I realise that there is far too much to list, both good and bad.
I am sure that many people will poke fun at this and it will only cause me to be the focus of more abuse, but I just feel that this is something I need to do, to say thank you to everyone that stood by me through all the ups and downs, and to stand tall against those who tried to break me with their lies and jealousy, their deceit and the barrage of mental and physical abuse thrown my way - you may think that you have broken me, but you never have and you never will, the only thing you ever made me want to do was prove you wrong. 2 years ago I was just a singer, now I am a guy who has taken a stack of exams, passed them all with distinction and made myself into someone who I can feel proud of - funny really isn't it, after all I have been through, the thousands of people I have performed to and still the greatest feeling of achievement in my life so far, was getting my exam results.
One thing that I stand by is the fact that I have always played fair, I have never resorted to dirty tricks to get my own way, even when sometimes it would have been easier to take advantage of situations and reap the full rewards for myself. I could not let myself be that kind of person. I have always treated people with the respect that they have shown me and tried to help others as much as I possibly could, although it seems sometimes that every time I do something to help someone else, it comes back and bites me.
I may not have been the Superstar that some people wanted or expected me to be. I was never willing to lay down and let myself be moulded into just another puppet with strings and without opinions. Do I blame anyone other than myself for my failure? No...... I made my choices and I stand by them, for better or for worse, if I had not made those dreadful choices then I would have never found myself in the position and the place to have met the woman I love, so in that way, my many mistakes served as a catalyst for my greatest happiness. One guy said to me yesterday that it is funny how the mighty fall and yes, I fell hard and fast, but on the way down I found a purpose and a passion that I never knew I had and a love that I treasure dearly.......
So here I am, writing my last entry on this website, coming to centre-stage and taking my bow, saying thank you for the memories and doing it all....
On my own terms.
